It started on Saturday…OK no it didn’t let’s start from when my eye became bruised…
I spent the whole of Thursday and Friday cleaning my room(s) and if you know me and have ever been unfortunate to come to my house, you may begin to appreciate what a task that would be. It took me a day for each room and I uncovered so much rubbish it was unbelievable. It wasn’t just long lost head phones, tights and cuddly toys I found… I was also attacked by a mushroom cloud of dust everywhere I went. The dust came in forms of smoke, webs, hairy monsters and falling snow.
Needless the say after day two my eye started to swell up. For some reason I’ve developed this minor allergy to dust whereby my eyes will begin to feel bruised (they feel like I’ve been punched) and usually they turn a bit black. These days I have dark eye circles so you can’t even tell but my right eye has managed to swell up and it’s very painful to the touch.
Anyway I was getting on with life normally because a bruised up fat eye can’t stop me from living my life and so I went to work. On the Saturday I decided to eat a kebab and I remember thinking “wow, this is salty” but dropped it as quickly as it came.
The next day I noticed as I peeled by eyes open from my slumber that it wasn’t just my eye that was not feeling like normal. In fact, the whole of my body seemed shattered, and then I yawned; that’s funny, didn’t I just sleep almost 12 hours?
I had a wedding to attend that day so i got on without fuss; I was feeling tired and sleepy but what’s new? The day went on fine but my eye hurt and eventually the weakness in me began to fade.
So I get home and feeling very tired I manage to crawl into bed and fall asleep from the moment my head crashed into my pillow.
This morning I’ve woken up with shakey limbs and such low energy levels and it feels even lower than usual. I decided to vlog about it and I couldn’t handle it anymore, I flopped into bed with the sun shining on my swollen face and nodded off.
Four hours later I’ve woken up, the sun is still doing it’s thing except it’s now windy and my cat seems to be enjoying that.
I laid in bed for a long time and read the comments I got and a lot of them asked questions about the situation so I thought I’d answer them quickly.
Firstly,yes it could be anaemia (or an iron deficiency if you may) because my Mum has this problem but I’ve never felt it before. To be honest she has never ‘felt’ it either but the doctor says she is low on iron. Either way, it’s kind of strange considering for the past month I’ve been taking vitamin pills religiously and this happens - so I’m almost going to rule that one out, for now.
Secondly, there is a chance I’m having some funny reaction to an excess of Salt or MSG. After yesterdays wedding banquet (and it was a banquet- no joke) I’m feeling particularly bad. Which brings me onto my third point.
I have been drinking plenty of water and more than usual hence why I’m dragging myself to the loo every five minutes. So I’m doing all that I feel that can be done if this was the possibility.
Next, it has been suggested that I have ME or Glandular Fever …No, I don’t think so. No gland problems and I’m doubting it’s ME… at least my brain won’t let me think its ME anyway.
I have been eating clean and well. I made a conscious decision to cut out processed food today and go clean and low on the salt. It’s going good; if I don’t feel better in a few days time, at least I will have lost some weight. (and if I don’t there’s no helping me).
It’s not food poisoning.
It may be the ‘bug’ but I know what ‘bugs’ feel like, this ain’t no bug.
Oh and I’m not drunk although I was a bit happy last night.
So I was typically emotional today when Mum showed little sympathy… as usual. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a long time now and I thought I’d briefly share it with you.
When I was a child I was a weak duckling and the first one to fall to any illness going around would be yours truly. Mum was never too affectionate when I was young because she spent all her energy working so I took it as a given that if you’re ill, you suck it up. Either way, I grew up always loving a bit of affection and sympathy because when it came round, it always perked me up and made me feel loved.
Anyway the older I get, the more she seems to be ignoring anything bad that happens to me. It’s an on going ‘joke’ in my house that Mum loves my Sister more than she loves me. At one point we established that it was normal for Mums to naturally have favourites even though she loved all her children. I can understand that, I’m a grown adult and these things compute well in my EQ-enriched mind. I get it.
However, it’s times like these that become apparent that it may actually be a lot more true than I realise. If it wasn’t for the fact that I had two cents to my brain, I may actually begin to think she doesn’t care, but I know she does. She just has a funny way of showing it. I guess that’s where I get it from.
I find that actually she taunts me a bit when I’m not well. She will tell me to suck it up and she will get on with life. But as usual, and this happens in ALL situations of life, she jumps the moment my Sister is unwell/unhappy/wanting something and there is so much sympathy and help.
You might think I’m being sensitive but I’ve accounted for that; either way it makes me sad. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose but it still hurts me a bit.
Often I find that she talks about my sister a lot and when I ask my sister if she talks about me, little comes back my way.
I mean maybe it has something to do with that because I seem like an emotionally strong person, she thinks that I will always be OK. So much that when tears came down my face, she thought it was a joke. I told her to ‘go away’ because she wasn’t helping and with a smile, she turned on the balls of her feet and told me she was going to play computer.
As I sat there, slightly devastated and trying to ignore my emotions, I could hear her playing games in her bedroom.
I know I’m too old to be getting upset at these things but when you are feeling particularly vulnerable and unwell, lonliness is easily brought upon us and everything hurts a lot.
I think I was more cross that she kept going on about going out to eat when I told her:
a) No, I’m worried about the salt
b) I can’t move, I’m tired
c) We have no money and shouldn’t be spending it on going out to eat
d) That I was unwell and needed some help.
I realise that she’s always been a bit insensitive but that just made me cry.